in spite of my rage

I have an internal sense of justice based on the relative power dynamics of parties and whether we allow them access to the intentionally unavailable language and process of legal system. This sense of justice and fairness is at odds with how criminal justice is administered in US. It makes me think that playing a small part fighting against the overwhelming tsunami of the legal system is inadequate. How can you work within a system based on denying access to justice to those who need it the most?

Particularly now. Roberts, Alito and the rest eviscerating the delicate balance that made compliance in system possibly worthwhile. They don’t even apply to fundamental principles of our legal system – already stacked against the powerless and unwanted – evenhandedly. The arrogance of their easy execution of injustice inflames me. I understand what people mean when they say they see red and are consumed by rage. You feel it within your body.

Makes me want to stop. Alternately makes me want to withdraw into the easy distraction of daily life and pursue my own happiness; or give it all up and truly crusade for change through drastic measures. But the war rages in my head and never trickles down to my actions. In spite of my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.

What does it all mean? I feel eternally plagued by this question. I’ll be drawn into work or life and forget to obsess on the central existential questions, and then they come rushing back into focus, eclipsing the minutia of the mundane. But no answers, ever. Only the question and the possibilities of ignoring it for just a little while longer.

6.25.07 (happy birthday amy) upon reading of Supreme Court opinion in Sanchez-Llamas v. Oregon.